As a father there have been times when my kids have wanted to really really do something. It would be fun to do it, but they just aren’t ready. It’s something they have seen others do or maybe it’s something they have dreamed up. Jumping from the second or third step…and I’m supposed to catch them. Even better…remember the “High Dive” at the pool?
It really doesn’t look that high. All of the other kids are doing it. They day comes when you finally get the courage to climb the ladder to the high dive…wow! There are 20 other kids waiting in line as well. Everyone is anxious to get their turn. The air is hot and sticky with the smell of chlorine. As you approach the ladder…there is only one person between you and the biggest adventure of your life. As the board clears it’s time to mount the ladder and begin the ascent. With each step upward your heart pounds harder. The questions begin to flood your mind “what if I slip”, “what if the board breaks”, “what if I slip off the edge while walking on the board”, “WHY AM I DOING THIS?” Each step higher fear begins to squeeze a little tighter. There are only two steps left…but the concrete is SO far below that surely you will die if you fall. Each step is a conscious decision because EVERYTHING within says don’t do it…just make up an excuse and quit. As you cross off the last step onto the board you can hardly breath. Your legs just don’t want to bend. You can’t even stand up straight. Now you are starting to hear the voices from below, some encouraging you and others laughing and jeering at you. “Can everyone see how afraid I am? Can they hear my heart pounding all the way down there?” Your fighting not just your body but your mind too. The water is “hundreds” of feet below. Though it feels like time is standing still…really you are the only one standing still, and it’s now been over five minutes you have been standing there on the board….still clutching to the railing. You have to let go and go to the edge of the board. This very moment has been experienced by most of us and captured so well by Norman Rockwell…
Remember this? It’s while we are in this point of panic and fear that tears begin to well up in our eyes…”I just can’t do it”. Amid all of the voices now yelling and laughing…you hear a voice penetrating through the others…you can do this. As you contemplate crawling back to the ladder and going down you hear the voice continue…you can do this…trust me. It’s not as high as it looks. You continue the fight within but there seems to be a bit of confidence building. The voice sounds like Dad but you haven’t seen him in a while. You don’t even know where he is now and he certainly didn’t come to the pool with you. Yet the voice persistently and gently continues. You can feel the strength rising with each word…you can do this…trust me, you have what it takes. The time is now exceeding the 10 minute mark on your journey and the voices are getting louder. The lifeguard is now just as frustrated with you as the line of people waiting below.
It’s a point of decision…but wait, each step has been a point of decision. Each step has been a step of faith into the unknown ~ more accurately a step into the yet to be experienced!
You say a prayer and inch closer to the edge of the board. As you move forward you realize that you have come to the edge of the rail…and you MUST let go to move any farther forward. But that rail is the last piece of security you can hold on to. You close your eyes, say another prayer and begin to mentally pry your fingers off of the rail. Your hands are now free but your feet don’t want to raise off the board to move forward. “What if I lose my balance as I walk?” So you decide to simply shuffle your feet forward so as to not lift either one from the board. You feel the sandy grit of the non-slip paint on the board and find some comfort in the scratches on your feet. Suddenly you feel nothing on your toes…you freeze. As you barely open one eye you realize that there is no more board in front of you.
…you can do this…trust me…you have what it takes…I am here with you…
“But what if I hit my head on the board when I jump off?” The voices within intensify their battle till suddenly you realize that your counting down in your head to the point of next great decision. As you reach “ONE” you gasp for the biggest breath ever and jump forward into the space yet to be experienced. You feel the rushing wind as you fall downward. It seems like an eternity…”should I take one last breath before I hit the water?” Then SMACK you hit the water and feel as the cool water envelops you. You did it…YOU REALLY DID IT!
You feel the thud of the bottom of the pool and the natural reaction begins to take over as you start to swim toward the surface. You open your eyes to realize that it looks like forever to get to the top. You begin to feel the burn in your lungs for fresh air. You fight the urge to take a breath because you know there is no air where you are. The voices inside begin again telling you that you won’t make it. You fight the panic by swimming harder toward the surface…this feels like forever! As you approach the surface you can start to hear the distorted voices of those around the pool. Almost there…
As you break the surface…gasping for air…the voice inside of you is screaming…I DID IT! I REALLY DID IT AND LIVED!
Suddenly all of the battles, panic and fear are gone. As the weight of the accomplishment set in the tone of the voices change. I did it. Why did it take me so long to get up the guts to do that. It was awesome! I want to do this again.
Do you find pieces of your life story here…I do.
~ This is part 1 of this post ~
